Rewriting landing pages with a pro copywriter

Last week I asked people on social media to “submit your company landing page” and I’d rewrite it.

Well, we did it! I teamed up with Annie Maguire, one of the best copywriters in the business.

Hopefully this gives you an insight into the mind of a pro copywriter.

1) Everydae

Put yourself in the customer's shoes. Kids don't care about “the next generation of SAT prep”. They care about “Acing the SAT”.

We also pulled up the $1 trial. And made the “five stars” feel REALER.

2) Banquist

Banquist is a unique product. But they waste their uniqueness with a vague title that could mean fifty different things.

When you've got a unique product the golden rule is to let the product speak for itself.

3) Dormio

Customers' buy outcomes not products. What's more appealing:

a) A calming tea

b) A calming tea that helps you relax, unwind, and drift into deep, restorative sleep

4) JobBoardSheet

Their current copy is clear. But it's also forgettable. So we looked down their page and found this new line.

It's much more specific. And handles the customer's four main objections in one sentence.

5) Silva

Firstly, “Trail Runner Free” is very confusing. Is that the product? Is it free?

Also, there's no emotional pull. People don't get excited by a new headlamp. They get excited by new adventures. So sell the latter.

6) Socios

Football fans don't care about “tokens”, “surveys”, and “rewards”.

Take ownership of the real problem. Fans are crying out to have their voices heard. Socios solves this. So own it.

Also, add social proof. You're literally working with Barcelona!

7) Counterweight Creative

This one had promise. But the language is too vague. It doesn't feel REAL.

We replaced all their vague words with specific ones. You can't bullshit specifics.

8) Haako

This one's more about repackaging than rewriting. You can't expect people to read one huge text block to understand your product.

So we condensed their text block to one sentence. And added an image to bring the product to life.

9) Ladybird driving school

Ladybird's uniqueness is that all their instructors are female. So don't bury it half-way down the page. Lead with it.

Write the title only you can.

* * *

That's all folks. I hope you found this useful. Massive thank you to Annie. She did the hard work. If you'd like to work with a world-class copywriter, I couldn't recommend her more. She has a great marketing portfolio. Get in touch here.

— Harry